My Living Will

My living will, here published, though not notarized, eye-witnessed, or registered.

The instructions for my beloveds:

Bury me in the mountains of Carolina.

Play The Eagles, The Beatles, Stevie Wonder, and the Goldberg Variations at my funeral.

I leave my bank account to my mother, who has paid dearly for me to live my life.

I leave my awesome other shit to Alle and Corie.

Gnatalie gets first pick, though.

And John gets first pick over that.

Eli and Grayson get all the candy and food and electronics.

Melanie gets all my flowers, and my deepest thanks.

John already has all of me.

I want to return to ashes, and be scattered at the top of Pinnacle.

I want a very keen eye to make sure whatever pictures of me that are set up for the funeral don’t make make me look fat.

And I want Luna to have a brother.

How I Ask My Boyfriend on a Date

I’m starving. Wanna go to Steak Night?

My ribs are poking out from hunger and malnourishment….

…mmmmmm….

RRRRRIIIIIIIIIBBBBBBBSSSSSSSSSSS

Please?

The Importance of Being Honest

#mouthofthesouth

I have four siblings. The five of us grew up in the South, and I was a chatterbox, which is why my brothers called me the “mouth of the South.” Little did my parents know (or let on that they knew) that was blaming everything on my siblings; I could talk my way out of just about anything. I’ve always harbored an obsession with being right, being smart, being better, being a Type A personality, winning, and exaggerating to compensate for the times I didn’t do well. Growing up, I always hoped that feigned brilliance and wit would help me to lead an extraordinary life—at least, I did for a while.

#liarliarpantsonfire

“Liar, liar, pants on fire!” When you’ve truly messed up and taken that one fib too far, dealing with your jeans as they literally catch fire may seem like a preferable option to facing the pain you’ve caused your loved ones. As adults we may like to think we’re full of truth and integrity, virtues we must pass on to our youth. The truth is that no one is perfect. My day of reckoning came when I blamed my brother for something I had done, and my mother punished him to the point where I felt a very real pain as I watched him suffer. I came clean to my mother, who didn’t punish me. Instead she physically turned away from me, clearly hurt. After that incident, I knew that I never wanted cause pain again, or to be responsible for the suffering of others. Lying would never come so easily to me again.

#theimportanceofbeinghonest

No matter how hard your parents tried to bring you up right, it’s easy to let a little fib slip between your teeth from time to time. Saying “Yes, I did the dishes” when you didn’t may not seem like a big deal, but lies can spread like wildfire. Is lying ever worth the consequences? What kind of example are we setting when tell others a “different version of the truth”? What damage did I cause my little brothers when I blamed my misconduct on them, and they suffered the consequences? How could I think their suffering would be better than my owning up to the mistake?

Since that day I came clean to my mother, I’ve noticed an almost tangible change in myself. I started to notice a negative aura around those I knew to be liars. I felt horrible just knowing what they were doing. Having been on the other side of a terrible lie, I felt dirty when I knew someone lied to me–especially when that someone was a person whom I loved and trusted. Most people may not see what they’re doing as harmful; to them, lying is a form of self-preservation. But whether you tell someone you “like” their new haircut, blame your sibling for missing cookies, or pretend you have permission for something you don’t, lying is deceitful and undeserved to others. There’s a catharsis that comes with honesty. “The truth will set you free.”

#honestyisthebestpolicy

I encourage you to be as honest as you can with the people around you. White lies to cover harsh truths in the presence of little children may prevent their understanding of reality, as well as prove you a dishonest caretaker. When you catch someone lying, try talking to them about it openly and respectfully. Give evidence or relay memories to displace their assertions. How you ultimately deal with the problem is up to you, but confidence, face-to-face conversations, and unconditional love are paramount to dismantling a lying loved one.

No matter what your child, friend, or sibling may have done, no matter what words were said, try to always let the impact of love wear down the barriers. A hug post-chatting never hurts. As H. Jackson Brown, Jr. said, “Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.”

“The Importance of Being Honest,” as published on Familius.com on 11/07/2014.

http://www.familius.com/the-importance-of-being-honest

Habits of Healing: Surviving the Pain of Loss

I was seventeen when I lost my favorite person on Earth. I had known Jacob for four years, both romantically and platonically. It was mid-junior year in high school, post-break-up, and the only class we had together was English—my favorite, his least favorite. We had drifted apart after he became part of the cool athlete clique, but one day we stayed after class to study and talk. Our conversation mostly revolved around our assignments, friends, and plans for the future—college application deadlines were fast approaching, after all. As we talked, he seemed unsure of himself; he didn’t know what else to pursue beyond his football talents. I asked him what mattered most to him. He didn’t have an answer for that, nor did he know what his life goals or passions were. He left our study session early. The next thing I remember is a flurry of phone calls from friends telling me that Jacob had shot himself on our once favorite picnic spot, World’s Edge, January 10, 2009. The gun had been a birthday gift from his grandfather.

The impact of loss hits you from nowhere, and all at once. The pressure, the weight of it: it’s hard to shake off, to breathe, to clear your head. The pressure is simply there, and it doesn’t retreat, not until time heals your pain. When I lost Jacob, I was experienced enough to deal with my grief in a constructive way through listening to others and tending to their grief, and I was old enough for my grief to serve more as a warning than as an irreparable scar. Though Jacob is not my only loss to suicide, he was my first. Thankfully, I’ve learned what I have to do to survive the pain of loss. Surviving requires mental stamina, compassion for others, an understanding of what you can and cannot control, acknowledgement towards the singular experience of grief, and the belief that, with time, you will be able to live on, even if grief interrupts your routine occasionally. It’s natural to find yourself reeling on an emotional rollercoaster, trying to forgive, trying not to forget, and struggling onward, hoping that your lost loved one would be proud of you. Loss is something every person will deal with at some point; coping with intense personal trials is just part of the human condition.

Sharing your love, your feelings, living life to the fullest, appreciating single, peaceful moments, acknowledging the good that surrounds you, letting those good moments carry you through the bad times—these are the best ways to cope with grief. While expressing your deepest feelings can be difficult, finding a healthy way of expressing them is important. Talk to someone about what you’re feeling, write your feelings down, dance them out, draw them; do what it takes to get them out of your system. As John Green writes in his book The Fault in Our Stars, “Pain demands to be felt.” Once you can recognize that the loss is reality, share your grief with others. Remember the things you loved about the person you lost. Celebrate his or her life. Channel your energy into something besides recounting the loss—distract yourself. This will help you fall back into the routine of daily life.

Your life does not end because another person’s does, no matter how much it may feel like that way. Take the time you need to heal. Then, once you feel emotionally rejuvenated, seek the happiness in life you desire, knowing that that’s what your loved one would have you do. The power of positive thinking goes a long way.

“Everything will be all right in the end, and if it’s not, then it’s not the end.”-Maggoch, D., The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

“Habits of Healing: Surviving the Pain of Loss,” as published on Familius.com on 11/06//2014.

http://www.familius.com/habits-of-healing-surviving-the-pain-of-loss

Operation Toasty Toes: Knitting for the Holiday Season

Get out your knitting needles, ladies and gents—it’s cold outside! Below are some totally fantastic ideas to kick-off knitting this season. From beginner to expert, there are patterns for every style. We know there’ll be something here you can’t help but fall in love with!

 

Comfy Cuffed Slippers

Keep those toes toasty with some of these comfy cuffed slippers. Easy to knit, easy to love. For beginners!

 

30-Minute Infinity Scarf

Keep your entire neck warm all year round with this fabulous 30-minute infinity scarf.

 

Funky Foliage Hat

Show off your style with a well-knitted foliage ‘boggan. You won’t regret the fall fashion decision to stay warm!

 

Beautiful Boot Cuffs

Quick knit these fantastically cozy-looking boot cuffs for a sneaky flair in the colder months!

 

Wintry Snowball Scarf

This “fun in the snow” inspired scarf is truly a wintry sensation—any other color and you’ve got a pom-pom scarf for all occasions!

 

Knitted Fall Pumpkins

Knitted fall pumpkins are scientifically proven to give your fall decor a little “umph!”—and they work great as stress balls for the holiday blues!

 

Easy-Peasy Baby Blanket

Got a friend who has just had a baby? Make a super easy baby blanket! Guaranteed to be the cutest thing the new mommy’s ever seen.

 

Autumnal Maple Leaves

Stem right up, and check out these knitted maple leaves! They’re a little less messy than using the great outdoors to decorate your indoors, so don’t be afraid to stitch ‘em right up and use them for potholders, centerpieces, you name it!

 

Doggie Mittens—for Humans

Looking for some pet-friendly hand-warmers? Try knitting these doggie (corgi) mittens!

 

Holy Cowl! Scarf

This fantastic fall-icious knit cowl scarf is sure to keep you warm!

 

Baby Cuddly Cardigan

Who’s got the cutest cardi in the world, baby girl? You do! You can’t go wrong with a little colorful fluff n’ fun!

 

Adorable Knit Bunnies

What’s cuter than knit bunnies for the kiddies or for your dorm shelf? Time to hop to work on this one—or five of them! I say make like rabbits and knit a whole family!

“Operation Toasty Toes: Knitting for the Holiday Season,” as published on Familius.com on 10/11/2014.

http://www.familius.com/operatio-toasty-toes-knitting-for-the-holiday-season

Disclaimer: I do not affiliate with military knitting organization “Operation Toasty Toes”.

23 Reasons Why Fall Break is Better than Spring Break

For many of you, fall break is on its way! If you’re not ridiculously excited already, here are 23 reasons why you should be.

1. Check out those killer leaves! The color spectrum of fall leaves is probably one of the most beautiful things the human eye can witness. The radiance, the quality, the smell… Go for a drive, and snap some pics! Press leaves in a diary for keepsakes.

2. Fall break provides some real time to yourself. Since your beloved summer months have passed, it’s the first break you have from the academic routine.

3. Helloooo, s’mores! Time for some tree stumps, a fire, a couple tents, and some spooky stories! It’s the best time for some good old bonding time with buddies!

4. Fall break is by far a more wholesome vacation than spring break; in the fall, it’s prime time for family camping trips, hiking, mountain biking, and just being out in the beauty of nature with loved ones.

5. Fall break is a real break! There’s not as much pressure to do more than be with family and catch up on homework.

6. If you’re into colder weather, this is your time to shine! The change of weather is sure to bring on a smile. Go be in nature without your teeth chattering (but also without getting bad spring break bikini lines)!

7. Fall break is an awesome time for a road trip to a new city. The vibrant colors of leaves and the local color will sparkle! Think about taking a trip with the school for a community service effort. Traveling and do-gooding at the same time? Yes, please!

8. If you don’t plan to go anywhere, you can get plenty done for school—there’s less emphasis is placed on homework in the warmer months!

9. Fall break is a great time to go shopping for warmer clothing. While you hit the thrift stores, costume shoppes, or other boutiques and emporiums, keep a sharp eye out for awesome Halloween costumes, boots, sweaters, and ‘boggans! Definitely stop by a perfume store and smell all those autumn peaches and campfires. It’s a great bonding time, too!

10. Check out a corn maze (read Familius’ top pick US corn mazes)!  You won’t regret testing the limits of your know-how by deciphering mysterious maps and making decisions that could lead you further into—or out of—the maze! Unless you find a haunted maze, that is…

11. Apple-picking! Find a nearby orchard to handpick apples for locals and for lunch. Orchard owners love the extra help, and it’s a good time to hang out with family and friends! You could even go pumpkin-picking—why not? It’s fall!

12. Fall marathons usually have more pronounced themes than spring and summer marathons do—likely due to the holidays and the changing leaves! Get out in nature and support a great cause!

13. Fall break proffers apple cider, chili experiments, quilting, hay rides, hunting, candy corn, foliage, and pumpkin-carving! It’d take about a week to do each one well!

14. You can’t play in a leaf pile with your little sister in the spring! Whip out those rakes and get to it!

15. Heard of spring cleaning? Things add up in the fall, too! Go through your belongings and host a yard sale—or donate all your items to charity!

16. Fall break is a great time to check out nearby fall festivals! Lots of cities host crafts fairs, car shows, art shows, and antique shows this time of year.

17. Over fall break, you can revisit summer days by just traveling to the nearest beach! Temperatures at the beach change more slowly than they do inland, so it’ll still be warm and welcoming.

18. With everyone preparing for Halloween, it’s a great time to take a haunted tour or two. Visit caverns, explore historical sites like ghost towns, or visit empty prisons!

19. If you’re a parent rather than a student, having your kid(s) home for break is a great time for togetherness, since they’re still settling into the new school year with new peers. Depending on their ages, recruit their help in rearranging furniture or decorating, go on a family venture, take them for a local scavenger hunt, or discover sensational new autumn recipes with them!

20. There’s no state fair in the spring! Don’t miss out on an opportunity to ride on “the World’s Tallest Ferris Wheel”, taste cotton candy for the first time, or finally win one of those plush ducks at a game tent! It’s a great date night idea or good for family time, too.

21. Scarowinds! Or any theme park, really! The more haunted or themed the park, the better (and less sweaty, this time of year)!

22. Fall break is definitely the right time to get festive: decorate, decorate, decorate! It’s time to hang that leaf mobile and carve that pumpkin. You can even look ahead for Thanksgiving and Christmas! Decorate your door with some cut-out bats or paint contact paper for a unique spin on your personal style!

23. Overall, fall break is a great time to take a step back and be you! It’s the time to be inspired, to reflect, to create, and rejuvenate! Take advantage of the beauty all around you, whether on campus, at home, or someplace new!

“23 Reasons Why Fall Break is Better than Spring Break,” as published on Familius.com on 10/14/2014.

http://www.familius.com/23-reasons-why-fall-break-is-better-than-spring-break

How to Survive Your Long-Distance Relationship

Strap on Your Seatbelts

Until recently, my boyfriend and I were in a long-distance relationship (LDR). The whole thing was very sudden. The transition was difficult, and not just because I was away from my home and comfort zone, but because I was transitioning to a new proximity with him as well—we’re kind of unofficial Olympic hand-holders. We didn’t have much time to prepare, and neither of us knew what to expect. What I can say is that you should do whatever research you feel you need to do. Certainly don’t prepare to hate the duration (though comfort food does its part). Rather, look into easing the transition process. Geographical distance doesn’t have to be the end of the world—or your relationship! Below are some tips that I wish I had had before our journey.

1. Establish ground rules. Your relationship will change, for better or worse, while you’re apart. Of course, the basis of any relationship is trust. There may be temptations along the way, but you’ve survived them so far, right?

2. Be level-headed when making judgment calls about your relationship. At least apart you can have all the physical space you need.

3. Prioritize. Don’t feel sorry for working or studying. Be independent but respectful of your significant other’s ventures, too.

4. Establish a schedule. It’s a time-saver, and it also gives you something to look forward to throughout the day or week.

5. Take advantage of options outside of social media (Facebook, Google+, and Twitter). You also have the bread and butter of fairly direct communication—texting and calling. Good morning texts go a long way. Now, you don’t have to send smoke signals, but you can also use more creative methods like online forums: For example, Between (an app for couples) or Snapchat (try sending drawings or funny faces or clips of your daily walk to work). Skype, Facetime, and Oovoo are all helpful when you want to videochat. When we were apart, my boyfriend and I used Facetime like college kids eat Ramen.

6. Support each other in times of both need and triumph! It’s a great bonding experience to talk about both the quirks of our days and the losses we experienced during personal trials.

7. While you’re apart, life’s seemingly mundane things can be interesting conversation starters. It was fun to tell my boyfriend about the differences in supermarkets, public transit, the locals, and even the rain.

8. Be creative with sharing your affections! Try snail mail! Send jars of candy or a t-shirt with your scent.

9. Arrange visits as often as is feasible. If you have yet to meet (online dating, etc.), then plan when and how to meet!

10. Fret not! It’s natural to let the worry and anxiety of separation overcome you, sometimes. Worrying, distrust, or blame don’t change the fact that you’re not physically together. Instead, focus on preserving your routine and strengthening your communication with your significant other. Try to view the distance as proof you two can weather life’s storms.

11. Acknowledge and adjust your expectations once you settle into your new routine. For example, when my boyfriend and I Facetimed each night, I felt that for some reason I had to be refreshing company in order for him to remain interested, since I had a proximity deficiency. I put a lot of effort into looking nice for our video dates. While it’s can be fun to play dress-up for a Skype date, it isn’t necessary to change who you are for the sake of shaking things up. Be stronger in how you communicate by just being yourself—discuss intimate subjects and feelings and share the ups, downs, and in-betweens. Plan for the future! It may be difficult and uncomfortable, but right now the distance is just a fact of life. If you’re really meant to be, what’s the time apart when you’re looking at the rest of your lives?

12. Keep your love alive by doing activities together! Try a new gutbuster workout, watch films simultaneously, read a book together, try sending each other clever love coupons, try taking a compatibility test or the MBTI, take a virtual vacation, prepare the same dinner recipe, find apps to play together, do madlibs, or track the weather and send a thoughtful text.

13. Remain positive! Absence makes the heart grow fonder! You always have something to look forward to in an LDR, seeing as communication can be strained—and then intensified in ways.

14. Realize that distance is perspective—it’s good to take a step back. The distance encourages concentration on yourself, engaging in commitment, and it lets you practice everything you can’t wait to do well when you’re together—like learning to play the ukulele!

“How to Survive Your Long-Distance Relationship,” as published on Familius.com on 10/08/2014.

http://www.familius.com/how-to-survive-your-long-distance-relationship

13 Exhilarating Ideas for DIY Fall Home Decor

What goes into celebrating autumn? Both more and less than you think! I’m sure you’ve already resorted to Google or whipped out your usual go-to craft materials (paper bags, tea lights, and tempera paints), but this article serves to enlighten you about a range of sensational artistic DIY projects we think you’ll be delighted to undertake in the name of fall! You will need both supplies and a sense of humor to delve into the fun and funky ways to decorate your living space for this season!

 

First things first—we scoured Pinterest for you, along with a few other sites! Below range photos of everything DIY, from ideas for general seasonal motifs to intricately detailed crafts, all from family-friendly sites. Happy Equinox!

1. Wine Cork Welcome Wreath

You don’t have to drink every one of those bottles to get this many corks together. You can find wine corks at thrift stores or craft stores, too—or if you’re like me, you’ve been saving them for a special occasion! Well, this is it! You could even paint them orange for a pumpkin-y sensation!

2. Fall Candle Centerpieces

Check out these easy-peasy pumpkin-squeezy centerpieces! It really does bump up those fall colors—and you could use all sorts of beans and legumes (maybe coffee beans for the aroma?). No matter the color, tea lights, or scent, you can put them on the table or the mantle, but don’t let those candles go to waste!

3. Fall Lanterns

This is a great craft for kids! Just round up some leaves, some mason or votive jars, and find some Elmer’s Glue. Maybe tie a twine bow around it for a more rustic feel!

4. Chevron/Decorated Pumpkins

For pumpkin-specific decor, try these Chevron-patterned pumpkin crafts. They’re classy and super easy. You could even just paint pumpkins and add a monogram or pattern of your choosing! These are a great idea for outdoor and indoor decorating!

5. Gourd Tealights

Holy mother of gourd! These are precious! You could do the same thing with pumpkins and tapers, too! They’re a great way to add some sparkle to your home!

6. Fall Wreath Leaf Initial

What’s up, October!? This fall wreath leaf initial was made for those of us who want a fun, funky spin on our favorite season! Why not hang it on a dorm door or over the kitchen window? Voila! Your name, we’re game!

7. Simple Gourd Vases

Oh my gourd! How crafty! Real or silk flowers would look lovely in these simple gourd vases. You could maybe even paint the gourd. It’s a fab idea for dinners or when company’s coming to call! Try doing the same with pumpkins for a larger display.

8. Fall Book Wreath

How about it, bookworms? Sold on autumn’s goodness yet? This book wreath could be made from any book with a lovely result!

9. Fall Foliage Mobile

How cool is this awesome fall foliage mobile? Just a stick, some twine, leaves, acorns, pine cones, apples—you can add almost anything! A lovely addition bearing both the fruits of your labor and the season’s rustic warmth.

10. Seasonal Napkin Dressings

Looking for a way to spice up that dinner table when your centerpiece just doesn’t seem to be exquisite enough? Look no further! This simple napkin dressing really adds pizzazz to your wedding, dinner, or other special occasion place settings. How darling! You can choose any color ribbon, rope, berries (from the front yard or the craft store), and you’re well on your way to upping that fall cheer.

11. Halloween-Specific Decor

Halloween is on its way! In case you’re looking for a unique way to inspire some spooky fun in the house, try these glowing ghouls! Just balloons, glow sticks, and some black marker (or glue and black felt shapes), and ta-daa! Terrifically terrifying house guests!

12. Thanksgiving

Oh my! Who could this lovely leaf garland be for? What a simple yet elegant touch for Thanksgiving! String, leaves, paint—and a steady hand—go far here!

13. Fall-feel Wooden Decor

Wrapping up this lovely, leafy array of fall DIY decor is this stunningly cross-stitched fall-feel wood plank! A great idea to hang on your door, in the kitchen, the bedroom, or wherever, this truly autumnal hand-stitched decoration should get a few double-takes!

 

For more deliciously autumn-esque home decor ideas, visit these sites:

Midwest Living’s 50 Easy Fall Decorating Projects

Pinterest’s Fall Decor DIY

Pinterest’s Fall DIY Crafts & Decorations

Style Motivation’s DIY Fall Home Decor

Handmade and Craft’s 25 Fall Wreaths

DIY Enthusiasts’ Nature Fall Easy Decor Ideas

DIY N’ Crafts’ 40 Easy to Make DIY Halloween Decor Ideas

Buzzfeed’s 30 Cute and Clever Ways to Decorate for Thanksgiving

 

“13 Exhilarating Ideas for DIY Fall Home Decor,” as published on Familius.com on 10/03/2014.

http://www.familius.com/13-exhilarating-ideas-for-diy-fall-home-decor

9 Tips for Preparing for Married Life

If you compared the engagement period and married life, like before and after pictures of taking wedding vows, the two scenarios would look way different—there’s no comparison. This should not be discouraging—the idea that your relationship will change once you’re married should encourage you to reflect on your current relationship. Below are some tips I hope can help to prepare you for the big day and beyond!

Microwave Pizza Vs. Steak and Potatoes

My mother asked me once what I wanted for dinner: microwaved pizza or steak and potatoes? I said steak and potatoes! She then used that opportunity to analogize my current relationship. She said everyone always chooses a slow-cooked, homemade, blood, sweat, and tears meal over fast food. She told me to have the same taste in boyfriends. You want to remember that lingering loveliness of a bond, not hope it’ll be enough to fulfill you.

Never Go to Bed Mad

We’ve all heard this one before. It’s pretty self-explanatory. After a fight, all the guilt, the hurt, the frustration, the loss, the momentary inability to forgive or understand—all of that is only aggravated by your walking away. You must always communicate. Get to that middle ground in the argument. Whenever my significant other and I disagree, I like to talk and forgive immediately, whereas he needs time and space. Regardless of what the other is doing that one of us doesn’t like, we always let each other talk until we feel we both can understand what brought on the friction. It could be as simple as his forgetting to clean out the kitten’s litter box.

50/50 Relationships

A wise friend once said that what he learned after 52 years of marriage was that no 50/50 proposal would ever work, meaning a relationship in which both parties intend to contribute 50% would fail. He told me that dating, the engagement period, and marriage would never work 50/50—it has to be 100/100. Each party had to be equally willing to do all the work, and if they are, then they’ll never have to.

Dreams-Come-True Love

Cass McCombs wrote the song “Dreams-Come-True Girl.” The lyrics read: “You’re not my dream girl/ You’re not my reality girl/ You’re my dreams-come-true girl.” Remember that list you made as a preteen of all the qualities you wanted in your future mate? Remember writing things like “a sense of humor,” “intelligent,” “wears sweaters,” “is athletic,” or “doesn’t share my father’s name”? Your list of desired characteristics should match who you’re with! They may not have every single lofty, hopeful adjective (“rich” or “blue eyes”), but they should measure up pretty well. Don’t lower your standards. You deserve everything you want. Marriage is a big deal; you don’t want to devote your life to someone who can’t make you smile when you’re down. Dreams of finding and marrying your soul mate can come true.

Pros Vs. Cons

No, you’re not vapid for weighing the pros against the cons of marrying your significant other. Nitpick away! We are talking about marriage here. No one who marries intends to divorce, or to have a mediocre relationship. Be sure you’re marrying for the right reasons. Don’t think you can fix the other person or yourself once you’re married. You have to be whole as yourself. Getting married because you think you can eventually change your spouse simply documents the fact that you have been spending time with someone you clearly don’t want to be with. To figure out how compatible you are, perhaps try reading about engagement and marriage, taking couple’s counseling classes, taking personality quizzes, finding your love language, or having a deep discussion about your beliefs and values. However you discover and possibly resolve your differences, you know what’s best for you—don’t pity-marry.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

By the time you’re engaged, you should probably have seen most every facet of your lover: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Your significant other may be kind, generous, gentle, tender… but is he or she patient? Loyal? Honest? Integral? There’s no such thing as perfect; if your significant other seems perfect, you probably haven’t dated long enough to be engaged. It’s good to acknowledge that you’re both imperfect people, and maybe you’re perfect for each other, but it’s good to be aware of each other’s moods, behaviors, pet peeves, tolerances, and preferences.

The 30-Day Return Policy, Not Guaranteed

Much of dating is trial and error. When you’ve graduated to the engagement stage, you find yourself in a lasting trial period, kind of like that moment before you rip the tags off that new dress. Do you see yourself wearing this in a few years? Do you like how it makes you feel? Will you take good care of it? You can always return the dress; returning a husband is a different matter entirely. There’s no 30-day return policy on a husband. If engagement is the trial, then marriage is that moment of commitment when you rip off the tags and know in your heart of hearts that you’ve found a good one. Same rule of thumb as shopping: “When in doubt, don’t!”

Why You Should and Shouldn’t Overlook Faults

“Prepare for the worst, but expect the best.” It’s cliché, but true. Be optimistic but pragmatic. Your outlook on marriage and togetherness counts. You have to be willing to overlook some faults in your significant other. It’s easy to ignore your boyfriend’s leaving the seat up or your girlfriend changing clothes four times before going out anywhere, but some characteristics are less innocent than others. It’s not a sin to have a temper, but if your significant other is verbally, physically, or emotionally abusive when he or she is angry, then that is quite another thing. Don’t overlook behaviors that embarrass or hurt you—or them; this is destructive and unhealthy, and most certainly not a desirable trait for a spouse.

Partners in Life and Love

Albert Einstein and his wife Elsa decided that she would make the little decisions in their marriage, and he would make the big ones. He said that because of well made small decisions, he never had to make a decision. Your relationship is a partnership. Decisions are made together, now that you’re intertwining your lives most intimately. You must trust each other to make a decision for both when you can’t be together. Your significant other should be your best friend, your most trusted friend, your partner, your beloved, and should also be someone with a head for decisionmaking.

 

Alas! Be ye not disheartened! These tips are merely to brake check, not wreck you! There is peace in the happiness you share. Whether you go the distance or take some space is up to you, but either way, take seriously the vow that is eternal, documented love. It only happens once, right?

“9 Tips for Preparing for Married Life,” as published on Familius.com on 10/01/2014.

http://www.familius.com/9-tips-for-preparing-for-married-life

The Parent’s Ultimate Guide to Sleepovers

Remember when you and your best friend alternated weekend slumber parties in grade school? Now it’s your kid’s turn! There are several things to keep in mind as you organize and execute the sleepover; hopefully, as you read along, you’ll see that this special night in your child’s life can be exciting for you both!

The Invitations

First, you’ll need to find out who your child wants to invite, and then compare the list to how many children you think you can (sanely and safely) maintain in a single evening. Choose participants wisely–you may want to aim for an even number, or perhaps try a one-on-one.

Once you’ve selected potential playmates, you can start making the invitations! Bond! Print T-Rex cutouts or ballerina shoe shapes to color together. Let your child pass them out or mail or distribute them yourself, but make sure all the information is clearly legible. Include you and your child’s names, the event (“Jamie’s First Sleepover!” or “Byron’s Birthday Bash!”), the date (Saturdays are prime), the start and pick-up time, your address, your phone number, and the RSVP date. Include directions on the back if you like, and leave a couple weeks for the RSVP.

When the parents or guardians call to RSVP, get their contact information. Also make sure you know if their child has any food allergies, disabilities, or behaviors to anticipate. Ask if there are rules for the child, like ‘no laptops’, a certain bedtime, or  movie rating (obviously R is out of the question). Parents should bring their children’s pajamas, a fresh change of clothing, a toothbrush, and a sleeping bag.

Because not everyone invited will attend, it’s okay to reach out with extra invitations. Make your child feel good about who can come!

Preparation

Before the sleepover, be prepared with some extra bedding, plastic plates, cups, and cutlery, appropriate films, and lots of foods that everyone can enjoy.

From creampuffs to grapes, from pizza to tater tots, finding kid-friendly foods shouldn’t be too hard. Have fruit or candy bowls accessible so the kids have options. No matter what the food, preparation is crucial; you won’t want to find out the first half hour into the party that seven 8-year-old boys can eat you out of house and home and then have to rush out, leaving them with each other, squirt guns, a little sister, and a frightened spouse. Better to be over than under prepared on this one.

Recruit your child’s help in decorating and arranging where the sleeping will take place: put pink balloons on the mailbox and Disney princess decor in the den, or Harry Potter theme the evening!

Talking to Parents

When the big day arrives, make sure you’ve not only bought the supplies you need, but that you’ve also kid-proofed your house (depending on the age of the invitees, you may need to do so extensively); you don’t want anything to go missing or to break! When the children start arriving, be prepared for parental questions. Know how long each kid can stay, who’ll be picking up the kids, whether they can arrive by the pick-up time, and where/when to drop them off if that’s the case.

Ground Rules

Before the fun, lay down ground rules with the kids–no running in the house, what rooms they can be in, a non-negotiable bedtime, and probably a solid reminder of the Golden Rule. Then take drink requests (soda pop or Kool-Aid!), and get the party started! Have board games, dolls and toys, gaming systems, and lots of films on hand. Lay out some pens and paper in case they want to play MASH or feel artistic.  Suggest a blanket fort made from the extra bedding! The slumber party should be fun for everyone. Chances are, the larger the sleepover, the more likely it is that there’ll be at least one kid who feels left out or disinterested. See what you can do to subtly integrate them into the fun.

Your Presence

Be available, but don’t linger; check in with the kids every now and then, and stay on the periphery. Make sure the kids have everything they need, but aren’t causing trouble or putting anyone down. Don’t be afraid to call a parent (but threaten first so the kid has due notice) if necessary. If a child can’t stay all night, make sure everyone says a courteous goodbye so that the child will leave on good terms. If a child gets really homesick, it’s best to let them leave earlier rather than to make them stick it out.

Bedtime

When winding down the evening, parents may want their children to bathe. If so, the child should be equipped with a towel and toiletries. Have nightlights in the halls and sleeping area. Tell the kids how they can find you if there’s an emergency.

When it’s bedtime, it’s bedtime. The children will likely have exhausted themselves with ping-pong or watching Frozen or playing flashlight tag or singing karaoke or doing beauty makeovers or telling scary stories, but in case they’re on that last crest of a sugar high, make sure their bedding is in place. Don’t let them stay up past bedtime, and check in periodically once they’re set for bed to be sure they aren’t disobeying. It sets a good example to stick to your word.

The Next Morning

In the morning, try to have lots of breakfast options for the kids: a few types of cereal, milk, bacon, eggs, waffles or pancakes—see what they want! They can change while you cook and set up. Parents will likely be coming around by the time you’re cleaning up the breakfast mess, so try to be timely, and make sure each child is ready and accounted for when the time comes. If you have to drop any kids off, do so after everyone who’s going to be picked up has been picked up. Let the parents know about their child’s evening festivities—but let the kids fill in all the fun details!

Reflection

Talk to your child afterwards. This is a big social experience for your youngster. Planning (or not planning) to have another sleepover is gaged on how this slumber party went. See what your child did and didn’t like. It helps you to get to know them better, provides a safe space for you and your child, and builds trust towards social situations in the future.

There! You survived hosting your child’s first slumber party! Other parents may be hosting them from now on, but you’ve had a chance to figure out your comfort level with hosting excited, screaming kids for half a day–so, there. Relax! It’s over. And you and your child are both better for it. Now: about next weekend…

“The Parent’s Ultimate Guide to Sleepovers,” as published on Familius.com on 09/23/2014.

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